“From a young age, the idea that God enjoyed me came easy. Maybe I was instilled with enough confidence in my upbringing, or maybe it’s because I never felt like I had many reasons to believe otherwise. But, one thing I do know, is that it’s easy to feel “delighted in” when you're at your best, and much harder at your worst.
My senior year of college, I was in the midst of the most challenging period of my life. I was struggling to pass the final courses of my Music Degree, I was exhausted, and my confidence was defeated. It was during this season, a 24 hour prayer vigil was taking place on my campus. I’ll never forget forcing myself through those chapel doors. After quieting my heart, and choosing to worship, the Lord spoke to me in a picture. As I worshiped, I saw myself as a baby, then a little girl, growing through each stage of life, and in the midst of it all, Jesus was holding my hand. I heard the words “My daughter, I love you” over and over. I cried. I was so touched by the Father’s heart for me, in a time where I felt as if I had let him down and deserved nothing in return.
Psalm 147:11 says, “the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” At what felt like my lowest point in achievements, confidence, and striving, the gospel became the most true. The Lord not only loved me but also delighted in me, because I was HIS. When I began to worship, my identity was restored.
I viewed God as someone who was proud of me when I was at my best and withheld love from me when I wasn’t. Somewhere over the years of life, I measured how much God enjoyed me by what I could offer. Now, I am continually reminded that I have nothing to give. His delight and joy in who I am is because of Christ.”